We need to understand and communicate our needs. At the same time, it is important to be able to hear, and if possible, respond to the other's needs. The following exercise in examining needs will help.

SOME NEEDS WE MIGHT HAVE FROM THE OTHER Mark your needs and add others you would like to be respected or fulfilled in this relationship.

1. Love (or greater expression of it) 2. Respect 3. Understanding (of what?) 4. Acceptance as we are 5. Acknowledgement and affirmation 6. Trust 7. Freedom to think and function as we believe and in accordance with our needs 8. A peaceful environment 9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of our abilities and powers 10. To be listened to without hearing criticism or advice. 11. Satisfaction with us. 12. Inspiration 13. To be just with us - to behave toward us as he or she would like us to behave toward him of her 14. To agree with our beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them 15. To express his or her true feelings, needs and beliefs 16. Freedom of movement 17. To keep our agreements 18. To have patience with our weaknesses 19. To be supported during difficult moments 20. To express gratitude for all we offer him or her 21. To acknowledge our positive qualities 22. To be able to be alone when we do not feel well or when we have the need. 23. To get out more often 24. To get more rest 25. To be given more help in the chores 26. For greater attention when we speak 27. To do more things together 28. For greater responsibility on his or her part 29. To be on time 30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness 31. To be able to behave as we like in our home. 32. To take care of him/her self. For romantic relationships: 33. Affection and erotic contact. 34. To be sexually devoted to only us

Other___________________________________

Consider which needs might be behind the following:

Your complaining Your criticism Your impatience Your refusal to cooperate Your reactions Your conflicts and arguments The games you play Your competitiveness Your teaching and sermonizing Your anger Now place a special mark next to those needs that in your perception are not being fulfilled enough in your relationship. Having done so, seek to discover whether your lesson is to: 1. Express these needs more dynamically through I-messages 2. Get free from the needs 3. Get free from subconscious beliefs (fears, guilt) that prevent you from manifesting this need 4. Some combination of the above.

According to what you find, then employ affirmations for each obstacle towards any of these four possible lessons so that you can move forward.

According to your discoveries, make a plan for proceeding toward a happier reality.

Tuning into the other's needs. Mark what you believe to be the other's needs

1. Love (or greater expression of it) 2. Respect 3. Understanding (of what?) 4. To accept them as they are 5. Acknowledgement and affirmation 6. Trust 7. Freedom to think and function as they believe and in accordance with their needs 8. A peaceful environment 9. Support and encouragement in the cultivation of their abilities and powers 10. To be listened to them without hearing criticizing or advice 11. To be satisfied with them 12. To inspire them 13. To be just with themfor us to behave toward them as we would like them to behave toward us 14. To agree with their beliefs and ideals or at least accept and respect them 15. To express our true feelings, needs and beliefs 16. Freedom of movement 17. To keep our agreements 18. To have patience with their weaknesses 19. To be support them during difficult moments 20. To express gratitude for all that they offer us 21. To acknowledge their positive qualities 22. To be able to be alone when they do not feel well or when they have the need 23. To get out more often 24. To get more rest 25. To receive more help in the chores 26. To be given greater attention when they speak 27. To do more things together 28. For greater responsibility on our part 29. To be on time 30. To receive more help and cooperation in keeping order and cleanliness 31. To behave as they like in the home and elsewhere 32. For us to take care of ourselves For romantic relationship partners 33 Affection and erotic contact 34. To be sexually devoted to only them

Other___________________________________

You might also want to consider which needs might be behind the other's:

Complaining Criticism Impatience Refusal to cooperate Reactions Conflicts and arguments Games he or she plays Competitiveness Teaching and sermonizing Anger Now place a special mark on the other's needs that you consider to be the least satisfied by yourself in this relationship. Then consider possible lessons: 1. To feel okay even if your loved one's need is not satisfied 2. To free yourself from any obstacles that keep you from satisfying your loved one's needs 3. To communicate more effectively about this through I-messages and active listening 4. To find practical solutions so you both can be happy 5. Some combination of the above

Once you have made your discoveries, move forward to employing affirmations for any emotions which might obstruct you from lovingly satisfy the other's needs or getting free from guilt that he or she is not satisfied. Also as mentioned above, work on any difficulties if communicating on this problem.